We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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