I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
