Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
