ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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