Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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