I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
