I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
