Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
