someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
