May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
