It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
