guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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