I hate your face
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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