Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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