He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
