His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
