She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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