I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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