You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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