he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
