just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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