I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
