nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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