I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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