I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
