why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
