where am i from again
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
