Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize