You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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