sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
