The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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