I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
