I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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