the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
