My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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