I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
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My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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