dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
