someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
