She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
