What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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