Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
