Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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