I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
