real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
