Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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