I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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