we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
