he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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