just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
