drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
