This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
