There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
