Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
