47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
