I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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