This dress was meant to end up on your floor
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
