Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
