Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
