she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i came on her dog
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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