Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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