I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
