The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
